So, you’re gluten-free. You wouldn’t survive natural selection, and you probably barely make it through the week without worrying that you might either a) p**p yourself, b) have to map an escape route from your classroom to the nearest trash can to vomit or c) have a literal mental breakdown while watching your friends eat spaghetti and garlic bread while you stare at your salad (sans croutons).
Sadly, my friend, I cannot promise you that these experiences will cease once you are in London, but I’m hoping these tips will help a little bit. First things first, become buddies with the house cook. I sure hope that you get the chance to meet the lovely Gower house chef, Billy, but regardless of who your cook is, introduce yourself! Explain your allergy, thank them for all they are doing for you, and make it a habit to say hi. You might just notice that your favorite gluten-free pasta has become a more regular meal. Cereals that are gluten-free in America are often not gluten-free in the United Kingdom. For some Godforsaken reason, the good ole’ Brits decided that barley malt flavoring was a necessary ingredient to add into their cereals. I found this one out the hard way on my first day in London. After eating two bowls of Coco Pops (otherwise known as Cocoa Puffs), I later found myself throwing up (sober) in the bathroom of a bar. Screw you, barley malt flavoring, for taking my dear Cocoa Puffs from me. Street markets will almost always have gluten-free options. London is well-known for its markets, bustling with people and food from all cultures. Though it may take immense amounts of self-will to pass by the warm chocolate croissants and freshly baked baguettes, I assure you that you will eventually be able to find a stand that has good gluten-free options. My favorite markets for quality gluten-free food are Borough, Camden, and Brick Lane. Gluten-free is often not indicated on menus. In America, many restaurants indicate their options right on the menu. In England, it’s more common to ask your server for further information. Servers in London seem to be very aware and careful about allergies if you voice concerns. Pad Thai is everywhere. All of you lucky bastards that fearlessly consume gluten probably have no clue why pad Thai is a savior for us gluten-free guys & gals, so let me help you out. Pad Thai is almost always made out of rice noodles. Simply put, this dish is basically just a hero dressed in warm tamarind sauce and peanuts. And it’s everywhere. When I say everywhere, I mean everywhere. I ate pad Thai four times the first week I was here. No regrets. You must go to Pastation. Let me set the scene. It’s eleven A.M., you just rolled out of bed, slightly hungover. The only thing that sounds appetizing is pasta, but your gluten-free, and where the frick would you find decent rice or corn or whatever-the-heck-they-make-gluten-free- noodles-out-of anyways? But wait! You’re only a three-minute walk from Pastation, where they have the most incredible gluten-free penne pasta. There are about twenty sauce choices, a talkative Italian man takes your order, and it’s ready to go in a take-out box in less than ten minutes. What more could you ask for? Do not go to Chinatown hungry. There will be nothing for you. Nothing. You will likely just watch your friends giggle over dumplings and steaming orange chicken while you grit your teeth and try not to punch them in the mouth. Gluten-free bread here is actually good. Who would have thought it possible to make a gluten-free bread that doesn’t crumble at the touch or taste like chewy cardboard? The Londoners seemed to have cracked the code, and for that reason alone, I think I will have to move to the United Kingdom permanently. The grocery store, Tesco Express, has an entire gluten-free section that offers a wide variety of bread options. Their cherry tarts, crumpets, and chocolate rice cakes are also good items to keep on hand at the house. Having allergies in America is not much different from having allergies in London, but I’m hoping that with these tips you might make it through the semester without losing your mind (or control over your bowel movements).
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